Your approach to this year’s difficult legislative session has been an inspiration to brainless zombies everywhere.
When any program is brought before the Senate, you argue for deeper cuts, because poor children must pay their own way for frivolous benefits like health care. Then when any toll is proposed over a bridge your constituents may use, you argue for deeper subsidies, because your constituents should not pay their own way for necessities like new bridges over I-5. And when any other issue is raised, you do your best to change the subject and hold undocumented immigrants responsible.
Your zombie philosophy: immigrants should always pay the price for crossing a border to get to work, but Clark County drivers should never pay a price for crossing a border to get to work.
This approach to sucking meaning out of the Senate is a fantastic and much-needed contribution to the state’s political debate, almost enough to rival the maniacal laugh that you have made your trademark.
Because you have contributed so much to zombie-kind in this and so many other legislative sessions, we wanted to offer you the opportunity to address a large public gathering of zombies at the State Capitol on Friday the 13th of May.
You know in your bones that this is where you belong. Join us.
(If you listen closely, you can hear the sound of Benton zombie triumph echoing on the marble walls even now…)