With the vibrant taste of fresh hemoglobin still giving us a youthful blush, Undead Olympia focused our attention these past 2 years and 200 special sessions on four key stake-holders in the Olympia establishment. All have been forced to confront their own mortality this past year.
Citing an “insatiable thirst” to move on to the next “phase” of her life, Chris Gregoire has left the Governor’s mansion, along with the small box of soil from her native Auburn.
But it’s an open secret this side of Tumwater that she fled due to pressure from The Old Ones, who didn’t like the public notice she has drawn for the all-too-revealing moral documents she has issued.
Hairy old Joe Zarelli couldn’t resist the tug of the moon and, apparently based on his own experience, he didn’t understand how anyone with a dollar in their pocket could resist spending that dollar on strip clubs and alcohol. (Or cocaine.) So after enlisting much of the Senate Democratic caucus to consistently support his mission of mutilating every cash benefit still to be found in the RCWs, he sought one last transfiguration: he has left Olympia for private life in Clark County. All the better to live his dream of residing in an income-tax free state while shopping just over the river, sales tax free.
Some observers might have you believe zombie-in-chief Don Benton barely survived an electoral challenge. But his opponent didn’t muster anywhere near a two-thirds majority, so in Benton’s own terms, it wasn’t even close.
And undead narcissist Ed Murray was the shortest-serving Senate majority leader on record, despite the fierce, passionate, and deeply-held belief he holds that he himself is the best one for the position. Also for the position of Seattle mayor. And also for the position of leader of the Ed Murray fanclub. (Josh Feit loses out by a nose on that one.)
Lots of new souls with new roles coming to Olympia this year — or is that lots of newly soulless about to get rolled? Either way, it’s more important than ever that Undead Olympia continue to pay tribute the curious transformations that happen in the dark of the Thurston County night. (Watching suspiciously-well-manicured Rodney Tom’s changes alone could be a full-time job.) Candidates who ran as butterflies will transmogrify into the caterpillars they are… if not into maggots.
Spells will be cast, chains will be broken, and bad old ideas will be reanimated.
Also, someone will go after the poor old state printer. (Why does this raise such passions? Noone truly knows, including the rotten corpse of Gutenberg. (We asked.)
What happens next will be as McCleary as mud. But no matter what, ’13 looks like a lucky one… for our side of the grave at least.