Today, our vampire Governor returns to the land from which she came, replaced by a leader whose shape remains indistinct despite his offering many months of biographical drivel that amounted to a LinkedIn profile — a list of all the jobs he did (especially masculine ones involving lifting things and/or breaking them and/or throwing them), the places he lived, and continued desperate attempts to pressure people into becoming his contact.
But one thing was clear: although nobody believed him — not his supporters and not his opponents — Governor Fill-in-the-blank insisted repeatedly that his budget plan is essentially the same as Hobgoblin Tom’s: lots of money for education, but no new taxes.
Which sets up a session where for the next few months at least, Inslee’s allies are going to ignore his promises, while his opponents repeatedly invoke them.
Clearly, it’s going to be a cluster.
Inauguration day events are going to reveal a lot. Here’s a few things to look out for:
- Will Inslee fulfill the implicit promise of his every campaign ad and lit piece and arrive at the Capitol on a bulldozer?
- Is the rumor about the Governor’s ball true? Will he order a late change to the menu of his private inaugural reception, ordering that the “galatines of sage hen” and “Lamb Legs mini steamship style” be served with his famous secret sauce?
- Will he be finally ready to reveal that his secret plan to balance the budget without taxing the rich or cutting any programs is the same as his plan to fund his electoral campaign? That’s right: we’re going to balance the state budget one limited edition doodle at a time. (The Senate majority clearly prefers to balance the budget through en-graving.)
- Will he begin his speech in dramatic fashion, raising a cast-iron frying pan, flicking rendered fat onto the hungry crowd, and declaring “Move over bacon,” pausing dramatically, then adding “There’s something leaner,” revealing that his fix-it-all plan for “lean management” is actually about “Sizzlean management” — lowering state health insurance costs through low-fat eating?